“Oh no, Frank and I don’t believe in spanking. Timeouts and helping Grandma during bath time do well to keep the kids in line.”

Louboutin is a man with erectile dysfunction and Vibram soles are Viagra.

I preface this post by saying that I’m not looking for sympathy, I just want to whine a little. Read with a roll of the eye.

—

I’ve had these shoes for a while but they only had their first outing a few days ago:

I put them on in the front hallway just before leaving the house. I walked to the car and climbed in. We parked directly across from the restaurant so I walked from the car to the restaurant. While seated at our table, I had my legs crossed most of the time, so at any given moment, only one shoe was ever touching the floor. The restaurant is carpeted but for full disclosure: I walked from the restaurant entrance to the table, the table to the bathroom, the bathroom back to the table, and the table to the coat check, and then the coat check to the door. Then of course from the restaurant to the car, then again the car to the house. This time we went in through the garage, which is about 8 steps. I walked on pavement for less than 3 minutes, and on carpet for about 1, which gets us to a grand total of 4 minutes of walking.

This is the aftermath:

Not so bad at first glance. It’s the toe that’s the problem. That isn’t just the red that’s worn off there, it’s an actual hole. If I put a pin through, it can go in about 3mm at an angle before it meets any resistance. And no, this is not an anomaly. This is the real reason women who buy these shoes have the red Vibram soles added. It isn’t to preserve the red, it’s so your feet don’t touch the pavement after walking for more than 15 minutes. What’s crazy is that the rest of the shoe is pretty indestructible. But the non-platform sole – you’d be better off walking the street in athletic socks.

I love my Louboutins, but damn – how can such an otherwise perfectly made product be so shit when it comes to the second most vital part of the shoe? I know, platform Loubs are more durable – you lose the red and that’s about it, but I’m not a platforms gal. The beauty of the shoe is how thin the sole is, but the thin sole – well I already mentioned the athletic sock. Alas, time to pick up another Vibram sheet and start searching for an expert cobbler. The funny thing, if you’re willing to add Vibrams and resole now and again, the shoes last forever. Or whatever the non hyperbolic version of forever is.