“They may not be so pretty nowadays, but my girls have saved me from breaking a hip more than once.”

When someone tells me that they’re doing a ‘cleanse’ I usually have to try not to roll my eyes. As soon as cleanses are introduced into a discussion, toxins are not far behind. It’s embarrassing. I have to tune out of the conversation in order to maintain respect for the person I’m talking to. Would you like to buy some Kinoki foot pads? No, that’s foolish – everybody knows that the only way to get rid of toxins is through the digestive tract. Alternatively, wearing the t-shirts offered in my GurgleSlurp shop are a surefire way to extract toxins from your chest and back, protecting the heart and vital organs. In fact, if you’re not wearing a GurgleSlurp shirt, toxins are already causing irreparable harm!

So anyway, I’m doing this cleanse.

Yeah, I know.

Every once in a while my post Ulcerative Colitis tummy starts to hurt. Nothing to call the Gastroenterologist over – a colonoscopy would reveal a perfect colon. It just hurts. The cure is just to stop eating for a couple of days, but that pretty much sucks too. I hate being hungry. I’d rather have a tummy ache than hunger pangs. So instead, I figured I would try a ‘cleanse’ of some sort.

I have the whole UC thing to work around so all of the pro poop cleanses were out of the question. I didn’t want anything that lasted more than a few days – so none of those 3 week no meat no cheese no gluten no anything you might actually want to eat plans. I didn’t just want to drink fruit juices – I can eat sugar for days on end, but I don’t really like to drink it – but I also wanted to avoid a lot of chewing. Also, I don’t really want to lose any weight, so it would have to have enough calories in it. So I tried one of the shakes and vegetable juice plans.

Today was day one. And I think I might be done with it. The shakes are disgusting! The vegetable juice is okay, but … the shakes are disgusting! Who could drink this more than once? Maybe if I believed in toxins I could scare myself into drinking it, but I don’t, so I can’t. Maybe it’ll be better in my porridge, that’s a chew free meal.

Maybe I should just stop having chocolate for breakfast.

After an intense study of human interactions, the Ro9y8nzziltj earth visit goes awry when they attempt to convey their friendly intentions by flashing what they understand to be the peace sign.

I have, ahem, a LOT of shoes. A harem, really. Too many for one person to enjoy; a collection of beautiful things that are all mostly neglected and hidden from the world.

I thinned out the raggedy ones, and the pairs that I know I’m never going to wear (still haven’t consigned the last 5 designer stragglers), and I am still left with A LOT of shoes. And most of them never get worn. I haven’t performed an updated count post shed, but I’m pretty sure I could wear a different pair every day for at least 3 months without repeating. But instead I tend to reach for one of about 10 pairs. Well no more!

I’m taking a stand – or a sit down – whatever the situation demands – on behalf of neglected shoes! The members of my shoe harem will be equally attended to! They will all fulfill their purpose! I will wear a different pair every time I get dressed and not repeat until everyone has had some lovin’!

It seems I have found yet another way to procrastinate.

Alas.