The plumber came, we ran the laundry machine, the dishwasher, turned on every tap, flushed every toilet … and nothing. No leak. The conclusion? It wasn’t a burst pipe, it was the laundry machine. Despite the total lack of water near the machine, it was draining when the leak started, so it seems the only suspect. So I ran a load, nothing. Another load, nothing. A third load, and nothing. And now a fourth load. Why won’t the machine leak again? How did it leak in the first place? Why do our laundry machines hate us? I don’t put gross things in there. We don’t have orgies, we don’t mud wrestle, we don’t have pie eating contests, we shower daily – there’s no reason for our laundry machines to rebel against us. Now and again I’ve failed to fully empty a pocket and ran a laundry with a Werther’s hard candy or a Kleenex in it, but that couldn’t be reason enough, could it?

Water is the bane of this house’s existence. A few years ago the laundry machine started overflowing, flooding the laundry-room and the basement. That happened twice. We replaced the machine and all seemed well. Then a weird thing happened with the car and something to do with leaves somehow getting clogged somewhere and the car flooded. We had a new HVAC installed and a tube was installed incorrectly, totally flooding the basement after the first heat wave. A water filtration pump didn’t flow properly, totally flooding the basement again. And now? I run a load of laundry, we start to hear a weird sound, the basement is flooded – but the machine isn’t overflowing. I search and see that the water is coming from off to the side, either behind the wall or under the floor – whatever the laundry machine drains into has burst. FUCK! What the fuck?! Who has this many water issues? I’m blaming The Princess, I think it’s some sort of freak passive aggressive telekinetic terribleness, which happens when he’s been upset/over stressed for too long.