The Princess and I have been together for something like, a dozen years? Nope, eleven years, we’re in our twelfth. We’re a pretty lovey dovey couple, but we’re continually stumped by obligatory romantic occasions. For at least the last eight years, we’ll reach February before one of us remembers that our “anniversary” has past. Then a couple weeks later he wakes up with a start exclaiming,

“Crap! It’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow!”

Which leads us to the realisation that today is Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow everyone will want to hear how the oooiest gooiest couple they know marked the occasion, and we’ll disappoint them yet again. Really, by now they should expect this. Granted, when we tell people that we just stayed in, I think it’s received with a bit of a saucy wink.

I’m pretty sure we’ve never done anything for our anniversary (though this year we decided to try to do something next time), and we’ve done at least two Valentine’s Days. Once we went out for dinner in Toronto – I don’t remember the restaurant, but it was fancy and expensive. The food was good, but we were seated next to a bizarre couple. The guy was so Japanese maffia (figuratively), and he spent the entire dinner snapping at various people on his two cell phones, and checking his pager (this was long enough ago that people still used pagers). The woman was wearing something like six grand worth of clothes (including her shoes and bag), and maybe another grand in jewellery. She didn’t seem to notice that her boyfriend spoke just one sentence to her the entire meal. The other time – also in Toronto, we had both forgotten VDay, but the Princess bought me a really awesome motorcycle jacket, so we decided to call it a Valentine’s present. It didn’t fit my gangling arms, but I was able to have it altered.

So what’s up for tonight? Well, we’re staying in.

Tomorrow night The Princess and I are going out for a ‘meet The Littlest Princess’ almost fiancee’s parents’ dinner. I’m sure they’ll be nice people, and I expect we’ll have a great time. I’ll be careful not to make too many obscenely dirty or horrendously morbid jokes. I won’t even accidentally on purpose have the parents overhear me asking The Littlest if the ointment took care of everything.

As far as I can tell, between the 6 of us there will be:

• 3 men
• 3 women
• 3 people under the age of 35
• 3 people over the age of 55
• 5 Jews
• 6 brunettes
• 3 doctors
• 2 guitarists
• 2 bassists
• 3 singers
• 6 bleeding heart Liberals
• 1 lactose allergy
• 3 potheads
• 1 nicotine addict
• 2 shoe addicts
• 2 chocolate addicts
• 6 foodies

Should be good. There’s no reason for them to be, but I think I’ll really enjoy it if The Littlest and his gal are incredibly nervous. Like, fidgety, laugh too loud, sweating through the jacket nervous. And then they’ll have to do the whole thing again with The Littlest’s mom and stepfather!

I’ve worn glasses since I was about 13. I lost my first pair at a party in high school and then wore contact lenses pretty exclusively for a few years. I bought a new pair of glasses when I was 20 or so, and over the course of a few years transitioned into wearing them most of the time. When I met the Princess, I was wearing contact lenses, but that was nearly 11 years ago, so he’s accustomed to me in glasses, expects me to be in glasses, is usually surprised when I decide not to wear my glasses. Alright, stage set.

I’ve had the same glasses for a long time, over a decade, and recently decided that it was time to add a couple of options to my main accessory. I bought two new pairs of cute specs and donned one of them for a dinner out with the Princess.

I swear, this is how it went down:

“Hey when did you get glasses?”

“About a week ago, you like?”

“I do, you look great. They must be clear glass I guess.”

“What? Of course not?”

“So, you need glasses now?”

“Of course, wait, what?”

“What?”

“You know I wear glasses, right?”

“Er.”

“You see me every day! In glasses!”

“I forgot!”

Seriously. I mean, I kind of get it – you wear something long enough they just become a part of your face, but sheesh!