1. I hate when companies call me, and before I can even say hello I realise that I’m already on hold. Why not wait until there’s someone available to speak to me before the autodial calls? Is that really such a difficult piece of programing? Really?
2. ‘Disappearing’ the neighbours’ dog is not an option.
3. Leeks are awesome.
4. My mom and 3 of her friends (all over 60) are planning a trip to the Caribbean, and when she invites me along she’s actually serious. How does she come to the conclusion that this will be fun for all? This isn’t even fun for some. This wouldn’t even be fun for her. And she’s a bit miffed that I declined.
5. I need to move my seedlings into the garden early so as to deny The Princess the opportunity to kill them while I’m travelling.
6. I don’t know what I’ve eaten that’s made me this gassy.
7. Leeks are still awesome.

You know you’re failing the social media game when … people you actually know in real life unfollow you on Twitter.

How awkward.

Do I unfollow them back? Except if I do, then they’ll know that I know, which is even, you know, awkwarder. Except I’ve put up with their lame ass tweets without complaint and this should be an easy out.

And, what happens when I see them in person again? Do I pretend like I somehow don’t know that they unfollowed me? What’s the etiquette here? Of course there probably isn’t a set etiquette because you’re not supposed to get unfollowed by people you actually know!

And dammit, why won’t Johnny Depp make more movies where he just looks handsome!

“‘You won’t even remember it in the morning?!’ Seriously? You thought that would work? This is why I never come out with you!”