This past weekend, my sister and I went with my mom (64) and her friends to a seniors’ singles dance. They go every week, sometimes twice. My parents are still married, but her friends are all sixties singles. My sister is making a documentary about them and attended the previous week’s event with them, so she knew what to expect and was over the surprise. I on the other hand, was pretty dumbfounded.

First of all, I was shocked at how dolled up everyone was. I don’t know what I expected or why. I’ve seen my mom and other women her age out and about and they dress well. But I was still surprised to see older gals in (age appropriate) club wear. These were ladies on the prowl.

Second, I was baffled at how great some of the women’s bodies looked. There were a few younger women there, in their twenties to thirties, and from the back you couldn’t tell who was who. Yes, this may say something about the youngin’s in attendance, but it speaks mainly to the older gals. They were in great shape!

Third, and most shocking, if the lights were slightly dimmer – or if I had more alcohol – I would have had no idea that the room was filled with seniors. I could have easily believed that I had wandered into any random club. How awesome. I don’t know where my misconceptions about older people came from, but they’ve been adjusted to reflect reality.

Also of interest:

• Most of the music was current dance stuff that I totally didn’t know
• Almost all the other women knew all the words to just about every song
• I didn’t notice even one man offer to buy a woman a drink
• (I think they’ve learned that it really doesn’t get you anywhere)
• (And I imagine that they are on a fixed income)
• Men asked women to dance extremely easily, no awkwardness, no aggressiveness, and if they were turned down, they just smiled and asked the next women
• It doesn’t matter how old the crowd is, there will always be a couple on the dance floor seriously making out

About 3 or 4 times a year for maybe the last 15 years, I have a dream where my teeth start falling out of my mouth. The dream varies, sometimes I’m at a party, sometimes I’m at home brushing my teeth, whatever, at some point, either a tooth (or multiple teeth) feels loose, or just pops out of my mouth like a Chicklet. I’m usually pretty horrified, and usually will try to push the tooth back in my mouth. The whole thing is tense and awful and it’s about as close to a nightmare as I ever have.

I don’t know if the dream is actually about a fear of losing my teeth, as I don’t have a conscious fear of toothlessness, in fact, if I wasn’t such a lazy ass, I’d have already made an appointment to have a couple of them yanked. This isn’t something creepy, my wisdom teeth have been growing in, on and off for years now. They’ve pushed all my teeth forward to make room for themselves, and while no one has begun referring to me as ‘bucky,’ I do have to do something to remedy the problem. That means: getting my wisdom teeth out, and then getting braces or something like it. How many pairs of Louboutin heels are there to a full set of Invisalign?

Oh.

Really? That many? Crap.

Tomorrow night The Princess and I are going out for a ‘meet The Littlest Princess’ almost fiancee’s parents’ dinner. I’m sure they’ll be nice people, and I expect we’ll have a great time. I’ll be careful not to make too many obscenely dirty or horrendously morbid jokes. I won’t even accidentally on purpose have the parents overhear me asking The Littlest if the ointment took care of everything.

As far as I can tell, between the 6 of us there will be:

• 3 men
• 3 women
• 3 people under the age of 35
• 3 people over the age of 55
• 5 Jews
• 6 brunettes
• 3 doctors
• 2 guitarists
• 2 bassists
• 3 singers
• 6 bleeding heart Liberals
• 1 lactose allergy
• 3 potheads
• 1 nicotine addict
• 2 shoe addicts
• 2 chocolate addicts
• 6 foodies

Should be good. There’s no reason for them to be, but I think I’ll really enjoy it if The Littlest and his gal are incredibly nervous. Like, fidgety, laugh too loud, sweating through the jacket nervous. And then they’ll have to do the whole thing again with The Littlest’s mom and stepfather!

I planted zucchini seeds and they were actually growing pretty well – no flowers or anything remotely suggestive of zucchini yet, but 8 inch tall leafy stems. It’s been hot and dry for days so I decided to be a responsible and caring gardener, and water my plants. I started with the plants furthest away – the zucchini, and turned the nozzle to ‘spray’ and … snapped my zucchini stems with the force of the water!

The worst part – an hour later the perfectly clear skies darkened to grey and now it’s pouring.